Nothing

The past few weeks I have been battling an inner struggle. A struggle of what exactly I did wrong, what could I have done differently, what could I have done to notice things sooner, what can I do to keep it from happening again.

The answer.... Nothing.

There is absolutely nothing that I could have done to prevent the things that happened. I did everything right and was me the entire time. He changed. He messed up. He cheated. Not me.

A friend said today "There's nothing you could have done, or can do in the future. You can't stop them. If they're going to cheat, they're going to cheat. No matter how good they have it." And I think she's right. I did everything right. I was a good girlfriend. I treated Josh with love and respect, and in the end, I was the one that was mistreated. I loved and lost, and gained far more than words can describe.

What exactly did I gain?

I gained a new found respect for myself. I learned that no matter how comfortable you may be in life, it can change in an instant, but there's something good that will come out of it. I have a better relationship with my sister, Sam. I made new friends that I never would have made had I still been with Josh. I enjoy life more. I have grown closer to God and am being shown where I need to be moving with my life. I'm happy. I've gained a happiness that I didn't have before. All because of nothing I did.

I was dealt a hand of life I didn't want to be dealt again. But I came out a winner in the end. And for that, I'm thankful.

Is it really...

Wednesday already?!? I suppose it is, but it sure doesn't seem like it should be Wednesday already. The last three days have flown by. I have been working non-stop the last few days and it has really caught up with me here lately. I closed Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. Monday I ended up working straight through, meaning I worked from 11am until close, at 11pm. Needless to say, yesterday I was feeling it. I ended up not going to school yesterday and staying home and doing things I needed to do around the house.

Almost November? It seems like since I started school, the months have really gone by fast. I can't believe that November is fast upon us. I love the fall weather and the leaves changing on the trees. I can't wait for Thanksgiving and some much needed family time.

less than TWO months until Christmas?! Yes, it really is. And I for one, am super excited! I can't wait to put out my Christmas decorations. I love decorating for Christmas and I'm super excited about it again this year. I can't wait! I was upstairs this weekend going through boxes and moved all the Christmas ones to the front! It seems like ever store I go into here lately has more and more Christmas stuff out too. It makes me want to put my stuff out even worse when I see it out in stores. Just a few more weeks and it's coming out! I usually wait until after Thanksgiving, but since I'm more than likely going to be stuck in Knoxville this year for Thanksgiving, I may put it out that day! I guess it all depends on how bored I get!

A Busy, Busy Week

I can't believe it's already Thursday night. I have been so busy this week, it has really flown by fast. I've worked every day except Wednesday, and even then I had school and church so I had no time to do anything around the house. Lucky for me, I have been here so little I haven't had time to dirty it up! My laundry, on the other hand, is over flowing and I have no idea when I'm going to be able to catch up! I have school and work both on Friday and Saturday and church on Sunday. I'm so swamped. Hopefully I'll have time on Sunday to really catch up, because I work Monday and Tuesday too! Life is crazy right now, but I'm super thankful for the hours because I really need the money right now.

Some friends of mine from Greenbrier are coming in on Saturday and staying the night. I'm so excited to see Cassie. I've missed her so much, and it's probably been close to a year since I've actually seen her! I can't wait!

Paisley is doing wonderful. She's laying here next to me chewing on her bone. Such a doll!

Life is great for me. I'm enjoying school and my wonderful friends.

God has blessed me greatly the last few weeks. I have been in awe at myself and how I have handled different situations that have crossed my path. I have finally let go of my past relationship and am moving on. I know that God has someone in mind for me, all in his timing. While I loved Josh dearly, I have finally realized that he may not be the one that God has set aside for me, and I'm ok with that now. I have some good memories of the times we shared together, and some not so good memories, but they are all what have made me who I am today. I've grown a lot, learned a lot, and I'm happy. Happy. I never realized it before, but I was not "happy." I was comfortable. I was comfortable in my surroundings, my relationship, and life. But I wasn't truly happy. I can honestly say now, at this point in my life, I'm happy. Thank you Lord, for giving me peace and understanding during this time. Thank you for showing me that You are all I need. I'm humbled at Your unending Grace and Love. Thank you for being the One and True friend, always there, never wavering, carrying me when I need carrying, holding when I need holding.

My favorite boy!

I'm in love with this picture. When I was home a few weeks ago, I picked Davy up early from the babysitter. Boy was he excited when his Mimi came to get him. We played for a little while, and then took some pictures. I'm so thankful that I get to be his Mimi. I can't imagine life without him, and just love him so much!

Little love in my heart...

At the moment, I'm absolutely in love with....

• Fall weather. It's a chilly, breezy, sunny day here in Knoxville. You know the kind of day I'm talking about. It's cool but the sun feels so warm on your skin. I love it!
• the leaves on the trees. Here in east Tennessee they are beautiful shades of yellow, orange, and red. Just enough are falling to make that crunchy sound under your feet. It reminds me of being little and making huge piles in the backyard and jumping in them.
  
• Tennessee football. Even though it hasn't been the best season, I'm still in love with my Vols. And I love them even more since pulling out a win Saturday! Go Big Orange!
• Paisley. She is the sweetest little thing ever. I love coming home to her. As I type this, she is laying next to me on the couch with her little head on my lap. So sweet!
• my wonderful friends! I had a great weekend with some great friends. I'm so thankful for such awesome friends.
• my God. Life has been a little on the rocks lately. With death clouding my family, the ending of some relationships, and some financial worries, my God is still in control. I'm so thankful for His saving grace and mercy. I have no doubts that if I were without His hand on me I would be in a totally different place in life.
  

What are you in love with today?

Wedding Pictures

Just a sampling of the pictures! We should get the professional ones back in about six weeks! I can't wait to see them!

What a way to spend Friday night....

Tonight is definitly a lazy night for me. I was supposed to work, but got sent home due to losing my lunch. I'll spare the nasty, lovely details. Needless to say, here I am, laid up on the couch with a fever. I don't feel bad, just hot and then cold, hot and then cold. I'm really hoping this passes overnight though, I have got to go to school tomorrow! I missed last Saturday, and really don't want to miss out on another Saturday! However, if I'm still sick, there is no way I will be able to stand and do hair all day. So we'll see what happens in the morning. For now though, Paisley and I are hanging out on the couch! Speaking of Paisley, here's a cute little picture of my girl...forgive her, this is when I first got her, and before her trip to the groomer!
She is such a sweet little thing. I love coming home to her. She jumps off the couch or the chair and runs straight to the door, waits for me to pick her up and then normally lays her little head on my shoulder. She knows who her mommy is, and I love it! I'm so happy we found each other. She's exactly what I needed at this time in life. Love you little girl!

Win This Quilt

Head over to Pigtails and Snails and check out this beautiful quilt. While you're there, you can even enter to WIN IT! I'm in love with it already and can't wait to see who wins it! You have until Friday to enter!

Two weeks worth of updates

I have been a horrible blogger the past two weeks. I just haven't had it in me. At all. Here are some updates, in bullet form, because today I'm still feeling lazy.

• School is going wonderful. I have worked on more clients and am getting the hang of things and learning something new everyday. I don't get near as nervous when I get a client now, and I have no problem asking my instructor to guide me through a haircut if I'm not sure how to do it. I'm super excited about getting to color and things like that. Speaking of color, I have colored my hair once again. Pictures on that to come later...
• I've been working more at Chili's, and getting home later, which is one of the causes of the lacking blog posts lately.
• Tiffany's wedding was beautiful. And interesting. I'm glad it's over. I'm happy for her, and hope she and Stephen have a long and happy marriage. I'll post pictures later tonight after work or tomorrow when I have more time.
• Life in general is great. I am still loving Knoxville and all my sweet friends here. I got a new puppy, Paisley, last week and she is absolutely wonderful. I have a few pictures here that I'll have to upload of her later as well.
  

Thank you all for the prayers concerning my Uncle Bill. While his death was something I was trying to prepare myself for, it still hit like a ton of bricks. He was such an influential man in my life, and I will miss him dearly. It is never easy losing a loved one. Please continue to pray for my family, as we have experienced another death this week. My great aunt Connie passed away yesterday morning, surrounded by many of her family. She had been sick for a while, and she is in a much better place now. She and my great uncle were married for almost 60 years. I can't imagine what he is going through right now. He was an emotional wreck yesterday, and I know it will get worse before he gets better. I can't begin to imagine what it is like for him now, to have gone to bed with the same woman for 60 years and not have her any longer. Please keep him in your prayers.

I'm off to work....but I'll post more later. I have lots of pictures to share!

Uncle Bill

Yesterday I lost someone very important to me. Uncle Bill. While I am completely devastated, I know he is in a much better place and not in any more pain. He has fought through a lot, and survived a heart-attack, heart surgery, and then fought a battle with cancer. I'm so thankful for the time that I got to spend with Uncle Bill, while growing up and a few weeks ago when I was in Greenbrier. I will never forget the things Uncle Bill taught me.

Please pray for my family, my Aunt Jean, and me during the next few days.

90210

Last nights 90210 episode was another shocker. I totally agree with ya Nicki. I can't believe Brenda deleted Dylan's number! He may be Kelly's baby daddy...but Brenda had him first. What I'm hoping for is that they show Kelly visiting him, and him getting back with Brenda! I'm more engrossed with what the old characters do than the new ones sometimes!

On another note, Naomi's parents have one crazy relationship. I see a divorce, and a very emotional Naomi in the coming episodes.

I'm a little shocked at Kelly agreeing to let Silver stay in her house while she's away to see Dylan. I have a feeling there could be a party or something to get her in trouble that will happen.

I'm really in love with this show. And I'm especially in love with the fact that it comes on Tuesday and Wednesday, that way, in case I miss something on Tuesday, I catch it on Wednesday :-)